Why victim blaming women for nudes needs to stop!
In the never-ending stream of ways people try to police women’s sexual behavior, we seem to love placing the blame on women taking nudes, rather than men soliciting and distributing nudes. Once again, women are getting the short end of the stick for behavior that should be perfectly acceptable.
There seems to be something materially different in taking nudes, as opposed to engaging in sexual activity. Granted, neither action is treated very kindly when done by women, but taking nudes enjoys a deeper layer of recoil. If I told my colleagues who I banged on the weekend I may get some awkward reactions, but that’d be it (and maybe less invitations to the water cooler gossip sesh). If one of my nudes leaked, I would be affected well into the future, especially if it’s easily accessible via a Google search.
I think the reason is because of its permanent quality. Feminine sexuality already isn’t meant to exist; that it happens in closed doors at all is really only tolerated (well, most times) because we don’t have to see it, and thus can pretend it doesn’t happen when push comes to shove.
But once a nude is taken, it’s there forever. It’s incontrovertible proof that under that shoulder-covering shirt and the below-the-knee skirt lies a sexual being. And that makes us uncomfortable.
I am constantly fascinated by the many contradictions and trappings that surround the female body. It’s a highly sought after commodity, yet also insisted upon not existing in polite society. It’s both there and not there, so the nude just rips the lid right off Schrodinger’s box and posits that women can be and are, sexual.
So if it’s merely the insinuation that I am a human with sexual needs and appeal that is at risk when a nude leaks, what exactly am I hiding? Sure no one wants the particulars of their sex life out in the open, and we wear clothes for a reason, but why should the idea that I have and enjoy sex impact the running of my everyday life? For all intents and purposes I am exactly the same as most people.
And look, I think it’s my prerogative to choose people I trust with my nudes to have them. If they renege, it’s on their character, not mine. I’m not acting out of a lack of morality but rather trust in my partner.
But the permanent nature of nudes not only bleeds into the implications, but the taker. By taking and sending nudes, we are granting the recipient permanent and lasting vulnerability. Sex mandates a certain type of vulnerability; be it surrendering our bodies or surrendering our composition. Having a picture means that vulnerability is no longer in the taker’s control.
And I guess it’s that vulnerability, that power of having a woman’s fate in one’s hand or saved to one’s phone that gives nudes their overall appeal. Because there are plenty of naked women on the internet. If we just wanted to see some boobies and vag we can just google search, rather than carefully finagling one’s way through a conversation. There’s something materially different between a nude and any old naked women on the internet. And that difference lies in the power and exclusivity granted to the recipient.
There is an inherent link between sex and power, and nudes are one more piece in the power struggle. In giving nudes, the recipient is given the power to share the truth of the sender’s sexuality to anyone they see fit (and if they feel like being an asshole.)
Feminine sexuality is treated like a treasure to be unlocked, and receiving a nude is like a constant source of gold.
Taking nudes is merely another way of expressing sexuality, the onus and shame of which is placed on women, where men are incontrovertibly the perpetrators. They took the trust we gave them and tossed it out the window.
Frankly I’m sick of women being shamed for taking control and perpetuating their own sexuality. We shouldn’t be chastised for the abuses of power by people we entrusted that power upon.
