Is it time to stop being selfless?
During my childhood, I was raised to be a giver: ‘Adjoa give your brother some, Adjoa when you go to school give some to your friends.’ Not only did I learn to give, but I saw my parents give. Time and time again. The responses of the majority of these receivers were always so pleasant to see. It was absolutely heart-warming. And so, I have carried this value around with me, everywhere I go. I give when I have a lot. I give when I have a little. But at this confusing stage in my life, it gets hard.
I am 19 and this point of my life is very confusing.
At this age, you are expected to act like an adult but in return you are treated like a child. You are old enough to vote but not old enough to drink- if you’re American. Being 19 is being stuck between childhood and adulthood, you’re there but not there, almost but not enough.
Throughout my life, I have learnt that some people are extremely selfish. All they seem to do is take, take, take but never give. All or nothing. I call these people leeches. They suck the life out of you. Now when these people detect someone like me or maybe you, (I call us the givers-creative I know). They latch on and take everything we have, until we have nothing left to give to them. The trouble is, us givers don’t usually spot these people before it’s too late, we lose ourselves by being selfless.
Once we have gone through this process several times, we realise that we are empty. There is no more left to give.
What usually happens is that we attempt to become cold-hearted. We pretend to not care anymore. We act as if the ability to give is no longer within us. But soon enough, we become uncomfortable, because this isn’t the norm for us. This is a foreign feeling to us. We begin to miss openly loving people due to the fear of being empty. Disappointed. And heartbroken.
The harsh truth is that you were not created to be cold hearted. To be honest with you, it is frankly impossible for you to be cold hearted. This is because you flourish when you love and are loved in return. You flourish when you give and are received whole heartedly. You flourish when your heart is warm.
So, a message for us givers is that, we need to be selective. We need to discern who or what can receive the love that we give without damaging us in the process. Who can you be selfless with without losing yourself.
