Why the Hollywood sexual assault allegations don't surprise me at all
The recent sexual assault allegations among Hollywood have thrown me through a whirlwind of emotions. Everything from outrage to disappointment to “no shit,” it’s been a hell of a few months.
I just hope that these allegations inspire the societal change we clearly desperately need, and doesn’t turn into a stagnant problem like gun control in the US. Luckily, the right to be sexually abusive without consequence isn’t culturally entrenched, so people shouldn’t be so hardy to defend the social intuitions in place that allow this behavior to flourish.
Right?
It may not be in paper, but the conditions that have allowed so much sexual abuse to both run rampant and hide in plain sight are the product of a series of unwritten laws that underpin society. And it’s the way we socialize sex that plants the seeds for the distorted attitudes to sex that both allows and tolerates this behavior.
Before I get into the semantics, I want to qualify that sexual abuse knows no gender. Women can be abusers, men can be abused and it can happen between heterosexual and homosexual partnerships. There is no one size fits all story of abuse, and no one profile of an abuser or abuse victim.
Thus, we mustn’t let that cloud stories that don’t fit the mainstream narrative that’s dominating our media.
Also I apologize for how trans-exclusionary this analysis this may come off, but I’ve tried to keep it as focused on traditionally male and female sexuality as opposed to men and women.
But that said, trends emerge, and when we look at the way traditionally masculine and feminine sexuality is conceptualized and socialized, it’s easy to see where these trends come from.
Feminine sexuality is meant to be guarded and protected; in polite terms it’s not meant to exist, yet still remains an extremely valuable commodity. And that’s exactly what it is: a commodity to be plundered and traded and unlocked with strategically placed meals, gifts and compliments.
Masculine sexuality on the other hand, is conceptualized as some force bigger than any one person themselves. It compels one to act in certain ways, to “be a boy,” to spew locker room talk, to pursue feminine sexuality with some higher purpose that one cannot control in the way a feminine counterpart can simply close their legs or say no.
It’s this difference that is the foundation that gives way to the sexually abusive behavior that’s so perverse and far-reaching in society. Ask any woman or female presenting person and they’ll have a story, be it straight up abuse or creepy occurrences that disregards their agency to refuse or regulate their sexual contact.
Because of this dynamic, there’s also this impetuous for masculine sexuality to “conquer” or assert themselves; to break down the barriers that may be and reap the coveted prize. However, the lines seemed to have blurred between the barriers imposed by this reductionist view of feminine sexuality, and the barriers that people put up as a means to ward off unwanted sexual contact. Because deep down, she “really wants it.”
Sex is not socialized as a mutually beneficial act of love; it’s an exercise of power and dominance- of men breaking through and throwing his sexuality into a woman’s face, and expecting her to realize this is how hers ought to be too.
There’s a reason why the sexual abusers we’ve seen don’t go after people of similar status within a community. It’s because this abuse goes beyond sex- it’s about power. It’s about asserting power and forcing silence by virtue of that power.
One thing that really strikes me by these rampant sexual assault allegations is that society is extremely fragile. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, but it seems equally true that the road to heaven is strewn with a body count.
Because it seems that there’s a myriad of families, power structures, corporations and conglomerations held together on the backs of silent women.
And in that, the abused earn their own kind of twisted power: the power of the truth. Yes, with one utterance they should, in theory, destroy their abuser’s career and prospects. But even the system is rigged against them to rob them of that power.
Never mind the droves of people that will come to the abuser’s defence as a kneejerk reaction, but the nature of sexual abuse as a crime makes it very difficult to procure a conviction.
We rob victims of this power because somewhere along the line we decided that an abuser’s career and future is more important than a victim’s safety, comfort, trust, psychological state, reputation, and a myriad of other things that can be collateral damage when sexual assault touches one’s life.
I can point out societal trends and underlying problems all I want, but real kicker of all this is we’re all at fault. Sure, #notallmen, but societal attitudes to sex aren’t brought about and sustained over decades by a single man. It’s everyone that laughs along at an off the cuff sexist joke instead of calling it out. It’s school administrations berating high- school- aged girls for exposing her shoulders, instead of disciplining boys for getting “distracted.”
And it’s the masses that affords men the status of God, to the point where he’s allowed to sexually abuse women and keep his prestige because he’s talented and attractive.
We’re all guilty of it, myself included.
It’s not the perpetrators that keep this culture alive, it’s the intermediates: the middle men who do nothing and allow the perpetrators to keep on trucking that it takes women, in their droves to finally make people perk up and acknowledge the depth and reality of the situation.
I just hope this slew of accusations makes us perk up and inspire real, lasting change.
