Let's talk Stereotypical Breakups
Stereotypical Breakup
About 9 months ago, I went through my first breakup. It turned out being one of the biggest challenges and opportunities of my life so far- but that’s for another time. 9 months down the line, I realized I unwittingly went the most stereotypical post-breakup ritual in the book; you could write a cheesy rom com off it, I swear.
So, here’s how the stereotypical breakup coping mechanisms fare when put into practice, all with varying degrees of success. Think of this as a: “I went through a basic breakup so you don’t have to” type article; unintentional immerse journalism.
Moved overseas and travelled
I know, right? In what seemed like a disaster at the time but a godsend in retrospect, I was on the cusp of leaving the country when my relationship went from bad to unsalvageable. It made the month of February a lot to deal with, but a location change was just what I needed. Extracting myself from my old life made dealing with his absence that bit easier. I think that if I was stuck to continue along my usual routine I’d notice the hole left in my life much more. Moving made me build an entire new life, which just happened to not include him.
And when I finally came home for summer vacation, the infrastructure of my life had already eliminated him as a fixture, so little things like driving past his house or seeing his parents didn’t sting as I’m sure it would’ve in the immediate months following.
For those who aren’t as fortunate to have drastic location changes coincide with relationship breakdowns, I’d say try and alter your existing life as much as you can to try and create a space that doesn’t so clearly illustrate the relationship’s absence. You will thank yourself for it.
Threw myself into work
It just so happened that the country I moved to was China, so breaking down the language barrier, alongside learning to adult took up a lot of my energy. Plus I was trying to keep busy with some freelance work. So I definitely had my hands full in the immediate months following the break up. But despite the plethora of mental distraction, your mind will shove anything to the forefront if it wants to.
Much like the initial break up month, I could be as productive as I wanted but my emotions still needed to be ridden out at their own pace. While getting shit done is a great way to foster some sense of routine and sense out of the mess, you also need to let yourself feel and work through your issues. That pile of work wont bury it, trust me. It’s all about balance.
Cut my hair and got a tattoo
Honestly, what breakup is complete without the aesthetic change? I had always been thinking of cutting my hair even before the breakup, but it seemed like and even better idea now that I was trying to conceptualize myself as a lone human.
Not to get too poetic on you but before my hair was quite long, to the point where the upkeep was turning into something of a nightmare. Finally getting around to chopping it off was like I was being shown how to live for the first time. For the first time in years, washing, drying and combing my hair became a breeze. I wondered why I hung onto that hair for so long. I took that symbolism and ran with it.
It wasn’t anything near a cure, but looking in the mirror and seeing someone else is a useful catalyst for the internal transition from broken to acceptance.
Then, in a premediated, totally rational decision, I got a tattoo when I went travelling to Tokyo. This was particularly sweet for me, since my ex partner personally didn’t gel with tattoos. It was a move in doing something purely for me, a practice that had been pruned for years whilst in the relationship. It became an act of marking myself as mine, as a whole person as an individual.
Obviously tattoos aren’t for everyone, but try find something that is purely yours, even something your ex partner disapproved of, and put it into action. It’s a great way to feel autonomy and find silver linings in your situation.
Made new friends, and got under new people
I travelled to Tokyo on an internship, and spent a month working with likeminded people who would become some of my closest friends, and finally discovered the perks of being an unattached human.
Being exposed to people that had never known me before was the best wash over I could ask for. These were people who couldn’t imagine me with long hair, or wasn’t used to seeing me joined at the hip with my ex partner. I was just a person. It was suprememly therapeutic because it just cemented the fact that I am more than my last relationship, and can become much more.
Plus, turns out getting under people is a great breakup cure. But I’d like to preface this with the fact that this is best enjoyed with adequate time for you to not be so much of an emotional wreck that it interferes in your life. I can’t speak from experience, but I doubt sex would be enjoyable is you’re still a fragile mess not over their ex.
Breakups are tough, but it turns out clichés are clichés for a reason.
